I guess an explanation is needed, but first backtracking is in order. Friday was the last Rainbow School class. I'm going to miss it a lot. I didn't ball but I did have a Sinead-single tear moment when the kids were hugging us goodbye [Goodbye, goodbye, it's time to say goodbye, goodbye to all of you. WAHHHH!]. Now, I know that parents aren't supposed to have a favorite among their kids, but I'm no one's parent so I do have favorites:
1. Ian- He unfortunately wasn't there yesterday so I don't have a picture of him for you to enjoy but hopefully the description will be enough. He's a pint-sized Jack McFarland. He is perfectly groomed, is catty and loves gossip, carries around a sequenced purse, has his very own loyal fag hag [Lauren, who is rather scary but is a fellow lover of gay men, which puts her on my love list] throws a killer tea party and single-handedly transformed a toy castle into a very successful bed-and-breakfast. One time, when I had to ditch playing house with him to help out another child, he threw death glares at me from across the room and whispered the word "chocolate pudding". Never in my life has a yummy snack ever invoked so much fear in me.
2. Christopher- Adorable, funny and completely obsessive compulsive. He'd leave story time to fung shui the playroom, always moving furniture around to fit his chi. He shuffle around the room squeeing all the time.
3. Isabella Goldberg- She wasn't there either yesterday which is a shame because I love her. She looks exactly like the little be speckled allergic tarantella girl from Daddy Day Care ["I had a tarantella, but I don't know where I put it"]. I accidentally almost suffocated her when trying to pry a Cinderella costume from her head, but she quickly forgave me and made me a cake out of playdoh. That's love people.
4. The Irish Foursome: Thomas/ Aiden/ Sean/ Colin- Bestill my heart. I love my little Irish boys. Thomas was a redhead who adored me, therefore resulting in my own adoration of him. We had a nice relationship, building train tracks together, but he got a little needy and always had a runny nose, which resulted in a short separation, but we got back together in the end. Aiden was like a little bulldog, so cute but always really angry when he came to Rainbow School. Sean and Colin are adorable and will definitely grow up to be beer-loving firemen, my favorite kind of men.
5. Jake & Luca- Jake, because he sort of looks like a cuter Haley Joel Osmont and has a killer mushroom cut. Luca, because he's Mr. Bono and has adorably big Cabbage Patch Kids eyes.
Special Mention: Abraheim, Luke [even though he most definitely farted on me on Friday], Tiffany, Lauren [for sheerly the fag hag purposes, because she is quite a frightening creature], Isabella F., Maxwell, etc.
Friday night, me, Gen, Val, Joey, Gabby, Nicole, etc. went out to celebrate Jess's 18th birthday. Met up with them at the diner, then took subway and walked [Through the freaking tundra. In flats. And yes, strange passerby lady who unnecessarily had to make a comment, my feet were cold. Happy?] to Tinga Tinga for karaoke. [Random side note: One of the best moments of the night- I was waiting at the bathroom and the party next door was singing "That Thing You Do!", which made me ecstatic because that movie is in my top five of Best Movies EVER! and it's good to know that I'm not the only loser who not only has the soundtrack but knows all of the words to The Wonder's fake songs. Seriously rent it people, you're missing out]Had to drink Corona Light [Not my choice, do not make fun of me] which morphed me back into freshman year and screamed along to "Wannabe" and "I Turn to You". Then the drama happened. Jess got scary drunk because she mixed Southern Comfort, Malibu and Coronas, a lethal combo especially if not drunk in specific order [Liquor before beer, you're in the clear...]. We had to carry her outside, where she proceeded to lie coatless in the middle of the snowy sidewalk. We had strangers coming up, watching us shove snow onto her face to stop her from blacking out. Five of us practically carried her to the subway, followed by a paddywagon of course because our luck isn't that good, where she proceeded to barf on the train, black out, then curse out the people who watched her puke every time she woke up [Thanks to the random nice girl who gave us her water to help.] We couldn't take her home to her parents because they'd rip her a new asshole so big you could fit a cannonball up there, so me and Gen took her back to Gen's where she passed out in her bed.
The next morning, was supposed to go to the St. Patrick's Day Parade but did not want to part with my fuzzy warm pajama pants so I opted to spend a long, lazy morning of Youtube watch. Met up with Brenna and migrated over to Amanda's house for a St. Patty's Tacofest with Gia, Sarah, Bridget, Tekla, Kristen, Daniella, Elena, Jackie, and the sole burrito, Jackie's boyfriend. The Irish were outnumbered by quite a few but we tried to spread the "Viva Le Ireland" love with shamrock stickers, beer and the Dropkick Murphys. There was muff-diving, yet another Dance Party Revival, and, yes, the marijuana [It must be pronounced mari-ja-wanna, there really is no other way]. Surprising, yes, but I've stayed away from temptation for quite sometime but I figured, it's my last St. Patty's Day with my friends so why not not remember the night with them? I left around 1ish, went from blacking out in car service to breaking out in "La Vie Boheme" [in such a high-pitched delivery that I don't think even Mariah can hit] to entertain the driver, then went creeping around the house looking for an open door when Jody came out and busted me. I had Weed Hair, my mascara had seeped down to my cheeks, my eyes were bloodshot [which does transform them into a very nice blue] and my breath smelled like the bottom of a beer can. Went to bed with my jeans and sneakers still on, as only an Irish girl on St. Patty's should. I am now at work, slightly queasy but surprisingly hangover-free, with punishment looming over my head. Granted, by next weekend they'll probably forget this whole incident [Jody was still going to let me cut school tomorrow for Senior Cut Day] as they always do. Had worked today, where I resisted the urge to feast on the office donuts [Entemann's Crumb Donut, seen here:
is my weakness. I will spend hours trying to inhale those extra little crumbles stuck in the side of the box, rather than just eating one of the donuts like a regular human being] and not strangle my coworkers. The parentals picked me up from there to go to Long Island for Lisa's 20th birthday party, which was basically Pride Parade 2007. Watched scary Youtube clips [Search: Rat Monster, Salad Fingers, Daxflame and Fat Kid on a Rollercoaster. It's worth it] with Joe [who has sand-colored Uggs and is proud of it, and does a mean imitation of Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend" video] and Erik [who has newly-shaven Peacock hair and spent the evening giving me tanning tips, ironic seeing as how his neck was eight separate shades of taupe], watched an extemporized outdoor reenactment of a horror movie scene, performed with great bravado by Hootie herself, had a tearfest to "Titanic" and "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" [worst emotional combination ever] and am now regretting all the rice and beans I engulfed. I'm out. Ciao.
Drunken Quotes of the Weekend:
"What is the capital of New Jersey?"-Moi
"Malibu"-Jessica
"Yeah this kid James..."-Val
"James Brolin!?!? That's Barbra Streisand's husband!"-Diana
Chree: jack i was wayyyy fucked up last night
Hootie: chree i threw a dog
Chree: i serenaded the car service guy with songs from rent
Chree: in a very high pitched voice
Hootie: victoria cann said i picked up susan's dog nd threw it across the room
Chree: i got dry-humped by a blind dog
Sudden Realization: Screw Ewan McGregor, I can be GANJA COHEN!!!!!!!!!!
